I’m Gen Z. Men of my generation don’t date. Why should we?
Across america, marriage, sex and Relations are deteriorating steadily among young people. According to a new Pew Research study, 63% of men ages 18 to 29 report being single. This means that there are nearly twice as many unmarried young men as there are single young women, indicating a significant collapse in the social, romantic, and sexual lives of American men. The big question is why?
One would think that making romantic connections would be easier than ever in our digital world, but the opposite is true. Ironically, our convenience-based culture has made dating more difficult for men because they are forced to live in a superficial, highly competitive environment that emphasizes instant gratification over real human connection. While there are many potential culprits who caused this relationship to fall apart, none of them did more damage to the dating scene than this. Dating apps, social media, and pornography.
Let’s start with dating apps. Relationship sites began with Match.com in 1995 and evolved into the swipe-based platforms we know today with the launch of Tinder and Hinge in 2012, and Bumble in 2014.
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According to a survey of 6,034 adults, 53% of adults between the ages of 18 and 29 have found someone to date through an app or site. However, new census data shows that hit the marriage rate in the United States It is an all-time low in 2019. Of every 1,000 unmarried adults, only 33 are married. That number was 35 a decade ago in the 2010s and much higher at 86% in the 1970s. So, what gives?
It’s easy for men to date thanks to the conveniences of technology, but this technology has created a counterintuitive situation that leads them to take a flippant attitude towards relationships, constantly looking for the next thing rather than committing to one person.
With the abundance of choices on dating apps, young adults find it difficult to build deeper connections with a single person because of this feeling of constant availability. When a small red flag appears in a relationship that’s going so smoothly, why stay and try to work it out when thousands of other options are at your fingertips? Young people make this account every day on dating apps and take sides with the latter. How can you blame them for the constant shows coming from social media?
With today’s social media, men can browse their tabs and tabs to see more beautiful women in one sitting than most men would have seen in their lives a hundred years ago.
Social media sucks people’s attention leading women to commercialize themselves, giving men an unrealistic expectation of dating groups. On social media, people are encouraged to only show their best selves (even if it’s fake!). With advances in facial recognition technology, men often view women through highly filtered, splattered lenses.
While women reap the benefits of online attention, men are left wondering just how elusive the dating pool has become so far. Thus, these same women market themselves as something that is not left without a partner wondering where all the good guys have gone. Through social media, both genders are conditioned to treat themselves as a number rather than embracing a true human relationship and partnership.
Maybe I’m old fashioned but for me, face-to-face flirting makes more of an impression on the prospect of a relationship than responding to girls’ Instagram stories with smoldering emojis. Along with the barrage of women on dating apps, the constant culture of comparison fostered by social media makes it difficult for men to commit to a relationship and settle down. If that wasn’t enough, now the biggest source of motivation for men to date has been picked up through pornography.
There is no doubt that lust, which is physical in nature, is the strongest driving motivator for men when it comes to dating. It evokes initial attraction and emotion and brings people together. Eventually, the lust may fade, but a passionate relationship usually built on this initial sense of attraction is what can determine the success of the relationship.
However, pornography completely destroys this dynamic as it turns the reward system on men for simply being caring and physical in nature but lacking the emotional connection necessary for healthy relationships. Today, consuming pornography is easier than ever. Forty million American adults visit pornography regularly and 10% of US adults admit to being addicted to Internet pornography.
Research shows that around 67% of 13-year-old boys have viewed at least one pornographic image on some type of digital device in the past year and by age 18, that number rises to 90%.
In porn, finding a “relationship” is easy. With porn, that digital partner has nothing to do but wait for you, please, and give you exactly what they think you want. If that partner fails to keep you entertained, it can be replaced with one click. Why waste your time dating, flirting, and making an effort when men have their deepest sexual desires online?
Today, men in their 20s are more likely than women to be romantically uninvolved, sexually asleep, and friendless. Studies have shown that men are more likely to engage in risky and violent behaviors when they lack a stable relationship, which leads to higher rates of crime, substance abuse, and social unrest. Single men may be less invested in building strong social networks, which leads to isolation and a lack of community engagement.
Simply put, the breakdown of relations between men and women is staggering and detrimental to a healthy society. The good news is that men can fix this and treat it easier than we think. Quit dating apps, stop watching porn and chat with girls in real life.